Yeah, you should probably ignore this post… I was a little depressed and was doing some therapeutic writing, and I think posting it somehow helps even more than writing it did. Not sure why. Just externalizing it somehow… But I doubt it’s going to mean the same to others as it did to me, so skip it lol.
Could I have done it? Maybe. Could a rock have done more to fulfill its destiny? Does a single drop of rain have a purpose? Could you take that drop and remove it from the universe without noticing its absence? Is it fate for some to have ambition and energy, and others to know they ought to, but flounder through a mediocre existence to reach the other side of an unknown vastness of time, only to discover that they had no reason to arrive in the first place? Do catatonic people scream in their own heads, trying just to move? Do those with less motivation scream just as fruitlessly to achieve more? The psychological walls we build, are they really within our control? Are they imagined and virtual, or do they have substance with genuine power? Mind over matter, but what if we are not over our minds? Am I alone in that I constantly try to be something that I’m not? Probably not. Am I alone in that I fail to be such, even when I try, even when I know as I’m doing it that I’m failing to live up to the alien standard I impose on myself because it is what others expect of me? I don’t know. Sometimes it seems that everyone else manages to be who they are expected to be when provided with enough stress. It’s no way to live, but it seems to be under their control, at least. I think I’m a raindrop.
Copyright 2016 Grace Petrelli